Oftentimes, people are surprised when they learn that I believe in God. Yes, I realize that I have sinful ways, I swear a lot, and I enjoy drinking on weekends, but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God.

I went out to coffee last night with someone whom I’d been “internet friends” with for over a year, but hadn’t actually met in person until now.

We did what most people do when meeting up in person for the first time and asked each other questions back and forth.

“So, I see you post a lot about God,” he said. “Are you a Christian?”

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

“I mean, I believe in God,” I replied, “but, I don’t think anyone knows for sure that there is a God.”

Personally, I believe in certain aspects from multiple religions, including karma, which is a principle of Hinduism. I also believe in the idea of predestined paths and soulmates, although, I don’t think those ideas are directly related any particular religion.

“So, would you say you’re agnostic?,” he asked.

“I mean, I guess you could say that,” I replied. “I’d say I identify as an “agnostic theist”.

agnosticism
Via Stanley Colors

Although I do believe in God, I don’t really enjoy going to church. I think at times, it can be calming, however, I also think a relationship with God should be more personal as opposed to conventional. Everybody interprets the bible, or any other holy text, in their own way, so I don’t really think it’s fair for one person to preach to a crowd on the “right” way to follow their higher power. I believe everyone is capable of worshiping God, or whatever higher power they believe in, from within their own homes.

Yes, I’ll go to church if I’m visiting my family, but I will rarely go at my own discretion.

I remember trying to fit into a church group during freshman year of college, but it  just didn’t work out. Someone specifically told me that I wouldn’t be able to enter the kingdom of Heaven if I continued my non-heteronormative lifestyle, and that didn’t sit well with me. Ironically, I ran into this guy on Tinder two years later (but that’s none of my business!).

The reason I’ve been posting a lot about God recently is because a lot of good things have been happening in my life. I know I’ve worked for a lot of them, but I feel as thought I gained the strength and courage to go after what I want via some sort of higher power.

I remember feeling borderline suicidal at age 17. Now, at age 22, I look back on everything I’ve managed to survive, escape, and grow from, and I can’t imagine ever giving up. That’s not to say that those who do lose their lives to suicide are”quitters”. Oftentimes, they do think about how their actions will affect others, but depression and anxiety unfortunately end up convincing them that their friends, family, and loved ones would be better off without them.

My goal for this post was not to belittle anyone, whether or not they choose to practice a certain religion, nor is it my intent to chastise anyone who flat-out doesn’t believe in God. I wanted to discuss an important aspect of my life, and throughout the course of 2017 and beyond, and I plan on being open and honest with those who have actively kept up with my writing.

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